At Last....

"Honey- I think my water just broke..."

It was 4:30am, Thursday, December 8th when my wife spoke these words, immediately rousing me from a particularly peaceful slumber. She was standing in the bathroom, grinning from ear to ear. That smile was all it took to bring me to complete consciousness. The moment was here- at last.

"Are you having contractions?" I asked.

"For awhile now," she replied.

Frantic now, I threw on jeans, a t-shirt and fleece, grabbed her suitcase and the video camera. We were two days overdue, but at last, we were heading to the hospital. I flung open the front door, and stepped out into a frozen North Texas wonderland.

Now- mind you, ice and snow come infrequently to the Lone Star State. This particular morning however, we were faced with the coldest temperatures of the year, and a thick coating of ice on the roads. Naturally, this would be the moment that my daughter would determine to be born. Funny how you can almost count on things happening this way.

I gathered my wife and her mother, loaded them into the car, fit the car seat we had bought a few weeks earlier into the back, carefully ran through my mental checklist, and final set off, ever so slowly to the hospital.

Snow? In Texas??

As we left our subdivision we discovered the town was covered in ice, quiet, sleepy, peaceful. We were the only car out on the road, as we traveled carefully to our destination. Despite the freezing tempertatures outside, we were warm with expectant joy inside the car, blasting praise music, worshipping the Lord, praying, filled with electric excitement. I remember that ever stoplight we came to turned green just as we approached it. The ride in was easy, perfect.

They'll tell you this at the birthing class, but since the blog is meant to be informative and entertaining, I'll say it anyway. When you get to the hospital, do not stop at the emergency room! There's no sense waiting around in the ER, even if it is after hours. Head straight up to the OB floor, or wherever the delivery area is in your hospital.

When we got to OB, they immediately took us to the Triage room. Urine samples were given, fluids tested, monitors fixed in place. The nurse on duty gave my wife a gown, and checked to see how dilated she was: 2 cm- not nearly enough for a baby's head to squeeze through. Not yet, anyway.

Okay, so- another sidenote here: your wife's cervix has to dilate a full 10 centimeters before she can start to push the baby out. The cervix is pretty thick, and during the pregnancy this membrane plugs it up in order to protect the baby from any kind of infections that might be floating around in the vagina. (Sick, I know). This membrane is usually called the "mucus plug." I don't know if this is usual or not, but my wife lost her mucus plug when her water broke. However, the gooey, nasty, snotty substance of the mucus plug is not the same thing as the what comes out when a woman's water breaks. The fluid there is called amniotic fluid- it's the water that the baby is floating around in during the pregnancy. Okay so...the cervix has to thin our before the baby can push through here and into the birth canal. This thinning out process they call "efacement" (sp?). The cervix gets efaced because the baby's head is being pushed down, appling pressure on it. When your wife is 100% effaced, and the cervix is dilated to a full 10cm, the baby is ready to pass into the birth canal. Whew!

Okay, so with that said, we ended up stuck in triage for several hours, because the nurses couldn't confirm that the fluid my wife was leaking was actually amniotic fluid. Therefore, they couldn't confirm that her water had actually broken, therefore we couldn't actually check in and move into the delivery room. This was a bit frustrating, as my wife and I were certain that her water had indeed broken, and that this was the real deal. Hospitals are very cautious though, they are ready to send you home at the first sign that the labor is false.

Eventually our doctor arrived, and determined that my wife's water was broken, and that we should move into a delivery room. At the hospital in our town, you do the delivery in a regular hospital room. The room has a breakaway bed with stirrups and all kinds of other gadgets to assist with the birthing process. There's also a cd/dvd player and a tv to help pass the long labor time away. We brought several worship cds and some movies just in case the labor went long, and as soon as we got in the room we plugged a cd in. Jenny's contractions were starting to get more severe, and were coming closer and closer together. The time was drawing near.

Waiting it out...

Labor Begins...

Basically what happens is that your wife's uterus begins to contract, just like a muscle contracts (Flex your arm, and hold it for a minute to get an idea of what a contraction is like). As the uterus is contracting, it's pushing the baby down between the pelvic bones, through the cervix, and into the birth canal. This is not very comfortable for your wife. As the contractins intensify, the pain intensifies. When the uterus starts to contract for about a minute at a time, and the period between the contractions is realtively short (1-5 min), that's usually when you're in active labor. Of course, you're not supposed to push until the cervix is fully dilated, or you'll end up with a cone-head baby, or worse.

Well, Jenny's contractions were getting intense, and they were only short breaks in between contractions- maybe one to two minutes tops. We had originally decided to have the baby natural- that means, NO DRUGS! My wife was very strongly opposed to having the epederal (sp?) originally, because of the possible dangers to the baby. She was going to hold out as long as she could. By noon, after six hours of active labor, and probably the most intense pain she had ever felt in her life, she decided to go with the epederal.

This was a tough decision for us. We still to this day believe that she could have made it through the labor without drugs, had some factors been a little different. For one, the contractions were coming so quickly, she barely had time to recover from the last one before another one began. Maybe on the next child we can do it completely natural.

Honestly guys, the whole contraction thing was one of the toughest parts of labor for me. Watching my wife in excruciating pain, and standing there utterly powerless to help her was probably one of the most difficult things I've been through. To top it off, her contractions were coming so fast, that when the anesthisiologist came to give the epederal, Jenny was having trouble sitting still. They tell you that you have to remain absolutely still when they do the epideral, because there is a possibility of doing major damage. The epideral is injected in the spine, and it's painful too, so sitting still is not easy.

I tell you, I don't think I've ever prayed as much as I did that day. It was the only comfort I could find, and the only comfort I could give to Jenny. Through her contractions, I was constantly at her side, whispering prayers into her ear, and encouraging her. The worship music also helped, because it took her mind off the pain.

We did make it through the epideral eventually. Jenny was able to sit still, and weather the pain. It's mind over matter, the nurses said, and I guess they were right. The epideral think was not really very cool- in fact, we had a big issue with it, so I say this as a warning to everyone out there. You and your wife need to do whatever is right for you, but keep in mind that there are dangers to using the epideral. They will tell you this before you agree to get it. While it is very routine, problems can still occur. For us, what happened was that the epideral was so strong that Jenny lost all feeling in her legs and abdomen. She couldn't move, couldn't feel her contractions- nothing. This was not a pleasurable experience. In fact, it was miserable. This lengthened our labor considerably, because she obviously couldn't push if she couldn't feel the contractions. By the time the epideral was in, Jenny was fully dialated, but because of the effect the medicine had on her, we weren't able to move forward in labor.

We decided to have them cut the epideral off for awhile. This, of course, was a big controversy for the hospital staff. They repeatedly warned us about the dangers of having the pain come back during the actual delivery and all that. I thought this was a good point, but my wife was so upset and worried about losing all feeling, that we didn't really care about anything else. They turned it off, and about an hour later she started to get feeling back. Finally, we were able to start pushing.

Special Delivery....

Both my and Jenny's mother were in the delivery room throughout this whole process. This is one of the great things about the delivery room at our hospital. So, throughout this entire day our family has been with us. We were nearing 9 hours when delivery time finally came. We got Jenny into the stirrups and got ready to push.

I forgot to mention that our delivery nurse, Laura, was totally awesome. She was a sweet Christian gal, and was singing along with the worship music we were playing and everything. Our doctor was not involved until the very end of the delivery. As Laura put it, "The doctor just shows up to catch the baby." Our Doc was great, and he checked up on us repeatedly through the day, but Laura was with us throughout the pushing part. She coached us through it, and did a great job. The pushing was not easy. It was totally exciting though. About 20 minutes into it, I was able to see the top of Grace's head- deep down in the birth canal, slowly making her way into the world. Unfortunately, she didn't move very quickly from that spot. In fact, it took about 3 hours before Grace was in the world.

As I mentioned before, we had our parents there with us. Now, as the labor and delivery process takes such a long time, naturally you start to get hungry. Since the delivery room is just a normal hospital room, it was no big deal for us to go to the cafeteria and bring food back up. So, about 4pm or so, our mom's got tired of sitting around and decided to go get hamburgers. They came back up to the room and sat there, watching Jenny squeezing out our baby girl and chowing down through the whole thing like they were enjoying a show. Priceless. Our delivery nurse told us she would never forget this image as long as she lived.

Delivery was not progressing very easily. Our doc came in and looked and said that Grace was face down for one thing, and that her head was just slightly pointed at an angle, which was why she was moving so slowly. He suggested using forceps to steer her along as Jenny pushed, to help this process. Just like with the epideral, we were hesitant at first. We've heard all kinds of nightmares about forceps (the "salad tongs" they're called), and the potential for brain damage and all kinds of other things. Jenny wasn't sure what to do, and she looked to me to make the final decision. Another hard choice to make for our family, but these are the things that a man has to do.

I went out and talked to our doctor. I totally trusted him, knew he was honest, knew he cared about Jenny and baby, and that our delivery was not just another day in the life- at least, he didn't act like that. Our doctor has always been very warm, personal, caring. Don't settle for a crappy doctor people, seriously. You want the best you can find- and best doesn't always mean the most experienced. You want someone that sees your wife, your pregnancy as a major, important event. Anyway, I went out and talked with Dr. Brown, and basically I said, "If it was your wife, what would you do?"

He said if it was him, and they were at this stage, he would go with the forceps. I looked him square in the eye, studied his face, nodded. I said, "I trust you. My wife trusts you. I know you're going to do what is best for us. So go ahead and do it."

He nodded, got up, and moments later was in the room, now with a more complete nursing staff, ready for the baby's arrival. They warmed up the warmer, got out the scale. They took the bed apart so the doc could get situated closer to the action. They wheeled in a tray of scary looking metal instruments. The final stage was upon us. It was now or never.

I asked the doc if I could pray for him before he began, and he said, "Please do." I held my wife's hand, raised my other hand in the doc's direction and pleaded that God would annoint him to do this work, and protect the baby. I prayed that this final part of delivery would be short and easy, and that everything would go smoothly. The worship music was still playing in the background. The doc got his instruments ready, and 15 minutes later, Grace Elizabeth was born. The doc was a master with those forceps...he looked like an artist...like a potter molding clay as he carefully manipulated the baby around, steering her towards the light. Finally, Grace's head crowned- full of brown hair! A moment later, her head was out, purple, swollen, crying!!! Jenny pushed again, clearing the shoulders...I remember that as soon as her shoulders were clear Grace's arms just popped out at the same time. Another push, and it was done.

On December 8th, 2005 at 6:55pm, after a full 14 hours of labor, Grace Elizabeth was born.

Weighing in at a mighty 9 pounds and 4 ounces, measuring 20 inches long, my daughter was finally, finally in the world. The long expected blessing had finally come.

And now the fun really begins....

Welcome to Big Daddy!

Welcome to Big Daddy - Adventures in Fatherhood, a blog devoted to chronicling the adventures of fatherhood from day one. Throughout my wife's pregnancy, we were manically consuming material on the ins and outs of parenthood. We read books, magazines, watched videos, went to seminars, the whole deal. Constantly, I found myself frustrated by how mother-centric most parenting material is. It was out of this frustration, that the idea of Big Daddy was born. My hope is that this blog could serve as a roadmap of sorts for new fathers. In it, I intend to document my experiences, both good and bad, of being a new dad.

There is one piece of wisdom I can already offer to any prospective, or new dad's out there: Everything you have been told is true, once the baby gets here everything changes.

Change is not necessarily bad. In fact, change can be wonderful. For the past nine days since my daughter was born, my life has been completely flipped around. But, as I hope that you will find in your own experience, this change is a blessing, not a curse. In my opinion, crossing the threshold of fatherhood is the final rite of manhood. I feel more comfortable, more complete in my manhood now that I ever had before. It takes a real man to be a good father. Fatherhood is not simple, easy, or a task that can be carried out unconsciously. Fatherhood takes effort, focus, and sacrifice.

Here's the second piece of wisdom I can offer from the prosective of a new dad. Don't fool yourself into thinking you know everything, you don't know jack.

For months during the pregnancy, people were constantly coming up to us, telling us how we would never sleep again, telling my wife how painful the delivery would be, inundating us with all kinds of factoids and advice for every occasion. Our response generally consisted of a smile, a nod, and a gracious thank you. Then secretly, to ourselves we would laugh and say, "that will never happen to us." In the past week, more than at any other time in my life, I've come to terms with my arrogance in a new way. Fatherhood has been one of the most humbling experiences I have ever had. For the most part, everything people told us is true. The delivery was hard, the sleepless nights are difficult, it can at times be incredibly frustrating taking care of a newborn. Not everyone has the same experience of parenthood or childbirth, but certainly there is a norm! Listen to the advice people give you! Sometimes it's pretty good. It only took two nights at home with the baby before my wife and I looked at each other and said, "This is gonna be harder than we thought."

It is hard, but it's also a completely awesome experience. Everytime I take my daughter in my arms I'm amazed and overwhelmed- amazed at this beautiful little creation God has blessed me with, and overwhelmed by the magnitude of the responsibility that has been entrusted to me. It is hard, but brother, let me tell you- it's worth it.